Harry and Voldie Episode 2: Chaos at the Coffery
by Ravenclaw2
Summary: Tom sees an opportunity to make big bucks when the Coffery releases a new drink. Usual slapstick violence included.
1. Chapter 1

**Harry and Voldie Season 1 Episode 2**

All credits go to J.K Rowling

Episode 2: Chaos at the Coffery

(Camera shows the group sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast)

Tom: I can't believe I forgot about her.

Harry: Who?

Tom: Umm. No one.

Ginny: You can tell us. If it's a girl we won't laugh.

Tom: Quick question: What's your policy on pets?

Harry: Why?

Tom: Because *squints and waves his wand. Nagini appears on the table*

Harry and Ginny: AAAAHHHHH! *cue laugh track*

(Cheesy title sequence and Hedwig's Theme plays)

Harry: I thought Neville killed it years ago!

Tom: I resurrected it. And I defanged it. The Landlord was antsy about me bringing it up here so I had her defanged. *initiates baby talk* Ishn't dat right Nagini? *cue laugh track*

Ginny: What about the venom? It killed Snape for crying out loud!

Tom: It's non-venomous, so don't worry about being killed in your sleep or anything.

Harry: Alright. Prove it.

Tom: Fine. *sticks finger in Nagini's mouth* Ow! Ow! I have an owie! Okay. So I wasn't right about the de-fanging part but I have retracted all of her venom and destroyed her venom creating glands. I would de-fang her but I'm short on cash. I'm two weeks away from being able to cover the vet charge.

Harry: Fine. You have two weeks until she has to be de-fanged. Fix the problem or you're out of here.

Tom: No problem. I can do this. Could one of you help get her off of my finger? She's really clamping down. Ow!

(Harry and Ginny wrench Nagini off of Tom's finger.)

Tom: Thanks. *his phone rings* Hello?

Frank: You have to get down here! We've just released a new drink and there's a crowd outside! We haven't even opened yet!

Tom: Okay Frank. On my way! *hangs up* Money here I come! *runs out of the apartment*

Harry and Ginny: *shrug and continue eating*


	2. Commercial Parody

*Commercial Break*

Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans

Kid 1: Whoa! Did you know that there's a new flavor in the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans boxes?

Kid 2: Really? What is it?

Kid 1: I don't know. It's a Mystery! Just buy the box with the swirl pattern on it and you're guaranteed to get 10 Mystery Flavor Beans!

Kid 2: Wow! I better go buy some before they sell out!

Kid 1: They're Limited Edition so be quick!

Announcer: New Mystery Flavored Bertie Bott's Beans! Guess the flavor correctly and you just might win a brand new Firebolt 2010!


	3. Chapter 3

**Harry and Voldie Episode 2**

(Camera shows the Coffery building and plays the first few notes of Hedwig's Theme)

Tom: Whoa! *Looks at crowd outside of building* Thank Merlin for the Employee Entrance. *walks in through Employee Entrance and puts on work apron. Finds Frank and walks up to him* Hell Frank. What's this new drink everyone's buzzing about?

Frank: It's a blend of green tea and our signature Arctic Cappuccino. Try it. *hands Tom sample size drink*

Tom: *drinks it* Whoa! I taste something between totally awesome and cash cow! *high-fives Frank*

Frank: Young people and their crazy hand gestures. *cue laugh track* Well the store's about to opens so get behind the counter. I'll start handing out samples to the crowd.

Tom: Okay sir.

Frank: *opens door and fights off mob of people itching to get their morning coffee.* Hold your horses people! I've got samples of the new drink right here! *closes and locks door behind him* Now if you could just form a line in an orderly fashion I'd be happy to give you a sam- Ahhh! Help me! *Frank is rushed by an eager crowd*

Tom: Ahh! *unlocks door and pulls Frank back into the building.* Good Lord man. What did they do to you?

Frank: They opened my mind… to how much money this will make! *laughs*

Tom: *helps Frank up* We're making money just by leaving them out there! *Looks at clock.* No. It can't be. *Looks grimly at Frank* It's opening time. *Takes on gruff and gravelly voice*Everyone to your battle stations! That lock is timed to disengage in T-minus 1 minute. When the storm comes you must be prepared.

Drink mixer: I don't think the machines can take this kind of craze. *Sheds a tear.*

Tom: When the rush is over, we'll have enough money to buy twelve of your precious little machines, do you hear me soldier?

Drink Mixer: Yes, sir. *cue laugh track*

Tom: T-minus ten seconds. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

(Mob of thirsty customers rushes in.)

Tom: *over the noise* One at a time please!

(Crowd continues yelling and screaming)

Tom: IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, NO ONE WILL GET ANY COFFEE!

(Crowd quiets down and a soft cricket chirping is heard)

Tom: What would you like today?

Customer 1: I'd like one of your green coffee chillers please.

Tom: That will be four dollars. *hands her drink*

Customer 1: Here you go deary.

Tom: Thank you.

Drink Mixer: I added some cinnamon as a special bonus. Enjoy.

Customer 1: Well thank you!

Customer 2: I'll have what she's having *gestures to Customer 1*

Tom: One green Arctic Chiller coming up $4 please.

Customer 2: *hands Tom the money gets the drink* Hey! I thought there was cinnamon in this drink! Was it just because she was old? I'll show you old! *crouches down and speaks in a mocking tone* I'll have one Arctic Chiller please.

Drink Mixer: What… uh… He made me do it! *gestures to Tom*

Tom: *goes into a day-dream containing him pressing a button that launches the Drink Mixer out of the café. Smiles* No I didn't!

Customer 2: They're shorting us on drink extras!

(Crowd erupts in yelling and screaming. Windows and store merchandise are smashed and people start throwing things the counter. A group of mugs fly through the air towards Tom and his co-workers.)

Tom: HIT THE DECK!

(Store employees hide behind the counter.)

Drink Mixer: We gotta get outta here!

Frank: How? *looks around and sees that the crowd is blocking the exits.* We're trapped.


	4. Commercial Parody 2

*Commercial Break*

Wilsondeter Centurion's Astronomy Depot

Kid 1: Look at the stars.

Kid 2: They're so beautiful. I wish I could see them closer.

Announcer: Don't fret children. For Wilsondeter Centurion is here with the new AstroGazer 2010.

*children express their fake happiness with stupid fake smiles.*

Kid 1: No way!

Wilsondeter Centurion: *Appears* Yes way! The new StarGazer2010 is capable of compact storage and can even withstand being dropped down three flights of stairs! The brass outside is shiny and the zoom viewer can zoom in up to 10,000 times the norm.

Wilsondeter Centurion's Astronomy Depot, See the stars!


	5. Chapter 5

**Harry and Voldie Episode 2**

(Camera shows Coffery with crowd outside as the first notes of Hedwig's Theme play)

Tom: (on phone with Harry) We need to get out of here now!

Harry: Cam down. *pauses for a few seconds* Good Lord man! I can't even see the store! I think the entire city is outside your store! I'll try and get you out. Can a helicopter fit on the roof of the Coffery?

Tom: I'll ask. Frank! Do you think a helicopter could land on top of this place?

Frank: Probably.

Tom: Frank says it might fit. What did you have in mind?

Harry: An air-lift. Can you fend off the customers?

Tom: *takes a quick look from behind the counter and is hit in the face with a thermos.* Watch it lady! *cue laugh track* Anyways Harry, the answer is no. A definite no I might add.

Harry: Okay. We'll have to go heavy duty. You're going to have to make as many of those new drinks as you can. Throw them out into the crowd but only one at a time. Dissent might spread among the crowd and they might leave the café. If that doesn't work, call me. I'll bring the chopper.

Tom: Got it. Talk to you later.

Frank: What'd he say?

Tom: It's time to make some drinks.

Drink Mixer: Let's do this thing!

(Screen shows montage of the crew making at least 70 drinks.)

Tom: Fire in the hole! *throws drink out into the crowd and plugs ears with his fingers*

Frank & Drink Mixer: *stare at Tom awkwardly*

Frank: What are you doing?

Drink Mixer: This isn't an actual war. "Fire in the hole" was kinda funny but now you just look like a fool.

Tom: Oh. Just got a little carried away. *laughs feebly* Forget it! Let's just see how the drink worked. *Peers over counter. Sees a group of people fighting for the drink.* They're fighting for it. I think its working!

Frank: Throw another one!

Drink Mixer: Bombs away! *Tosses another drink over the counter*

(Crowd scans the ground to fond the second drink and attacks the person who grabbed it)

Lady: Aaaahh! *steals a sip of the drink before being tackled to the ground by a mob of thirsty customers*

Tom: *Enters a day-dream. He's wearing an army helmet and mans a machine gun loaded with the drinks. Starts firing the drinks around the café and the crowd members scramble to get one of them.) Wakes up from day dream* Alright men. We need to take back this store. Those customers need to know that this isn't a place to lose your cool. This is a place of coffee and assorted drinks! *cue laugh track*

Frank: You forgot doughnuts and bagels.

Tom: Those too. Let's show these people whose top dog 'round these parts. For the Coffery! *starts throwing out the drinks to random places in the café.

Frank and Drink Mixer: For the Coffery! *start making and throwing more drinks*

Tom: FOR THE COFFERY!

(Screen shows montage of Tom making a make-shift drink launcher and firing the drinks around the restaurant)

Tom: AAAAHHHH!

(As each member of the crowd gets their drink they leave $4 behind and leave the café. Soon the café is empty)

Tom: We did it! We did it! We did it! Woo-hoo!

(Screen zooms away from Tom showing him in his apron just as the café is about to open.)

Customer 1: Are you okay sir?

Tom: *Sniffs* Huh? Oh yeah. I'm fine. What can I get you?

Customer 1: An Arctic Green Chiller.

Tom: One Chiller coming up. That'll be $4.

Customer 1: *hands him the money in exchange for the drink.* Thank you.

(Screen shows sped-up montage of Tom working at the Coffery for two weeks. Montage ends at the apartment just before the two-week deadline ends.)

Tom: *brandishes money clip containing the amount needed to cover Nagini's vet bill* I told you I could do it Harry.

Harry: Well done Tom. I'm shocked you actually came up with the money. Good job pal. *puts hand on Tom's shoulder*

Tom: Hand off shoulder Harry.

Harry: You're right. That was weird. Awkward.

Tom: *turns tv on and catches the last of Jimmy Fallon.*

Harry: Who's the guest?

Tom: This Daniel Radcliffe fellow. Looks like- *looks at harry then back at the TV* To self: That's gotta stop happening!

End of Episode 2

Written and created by: Ravenclaw2


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